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Expert take: A lot of guys have two categories of women they’re dating: the women they just want to have sex with and the women they’re interested in having long-term relationships with, Kerner says.

Those who use phrases similar to “hoping to be friends first” are usually looking for fun rather than commitment, says Laurie Davis, founder and CEO of e Flirt Expert, and author of You can also weed out the casual sex seekers by looking at the context around your planned date: Is he willing to set up a date for a week or so later?

Meet for coffee or in a place where you can hear each other talk?

D., co-author of Her take: “The first guy I dated when I moved to New York let me take care of him, which I thought would lead to a relationship.

I was doing things for him like baking cookies, redecorating his place, and having lots of sex, but I found out he had no intention of commitment at all.” -Kate, 28.

If the date feels like a hook-up, that’s probably what he’s seeking.